I remember the first time I met Laura. It was my very first Colorado National Speakers Association meeting five years ago. Imagine a room full of professional speakers and trainers who were for the most part, independent business owners. During the very short breaks we had in between the guest speakers, they were all scrambling to talk to their close friends, touchbase with a colleague or trying to talk to someone who they thought might connect them to their “next gig.”
When Laura approached me she began to ask me questions about myself, not to find out if I might be her next meal ticket, but to explore common interests such as friends, hobbies and experiences. The entire time we talked, her eyes were focused on mine and I felt that I had her undivided attention. She sincerely wanted to know more about me and we very quickly discovered we had a lot in common. She made me feel welcome and began to introduce me to other members she thought I should meet.
What I remember most about meeting Laura was that she was so authentic, she wasn’t trying to impress me, she was just trying to be real.
I have discovered in the five years that I have enjoyed my friendship with Laura, that her realness is her secret weapon. People just seem to like Laura and as a result she is one of the most effective networkers I know. Almost monthly, I will mention her name to an audience I’m speaking to, and someone will raise their hand or approach me afterwards to say they know her. It happened last month in Washington DC and Laura lives in Colorado Springs. What you need to know is that Laura by nature is an introvert. She does not work a room and get the most business cards. She builds her network one person at a time.
I recently had the privilege to meet with and hear Tim Sanders speak about his new book, The Likeability Factor, which I recently read and loved and is quickly climbing the New York Times best selling list.
Tim reminded me of an old Dale Carnegie wisdom from the classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that I had forgotten about;
You will have more success and meet more people if you develop a sincere interest in two people rather than trying to get two people interested in you.
My friend John Alston, CSP, CPAE says is even better; “Stop trying to be interesting and start getting interested.”
How are you doing in conveying realness to your network? When was the last time you talked to someone in your network simply because you wanted to get to know them better? According to the thousands of pages of research Tim Sanders did for his book, your ability to convey realness is the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees authenticity with others. Tim’s research proves that people choose to work with and do business with people they like. They vote for them, hire them, buy from them, marry them and spend quality time with likeable people. One of the most effective ways you can raise your L-Factor is to start being genuine and real with people. Can you afford not to?
Perfecting Connecting® Action Steps:
1. When you meet people, ask open-ended questions (any sentence that starts with who, what, when, how, why, etc) which will not allow the person to answer with a yes or a no response.
2. Practice active listening skills, listen to understand. As Steven Covey says, “Listening is a lost art; most of us are either talking or reloading.” Make an effort to not “reload” when someone is talking to you. Actively listen all the way through for how you might be a resource to this person.
3. Pick two people in your network (could be old or new acquaintances) and schedule time to go to lunch, have a drink, plan to sit with them at a meeting or talk on the phone for the pure motive of getting to know them better. Don’t ask for anything. Just give of yourself and rediscover the pure rush of finding out what you have in common with someone and where you have connections.