I am a fan of the theory and research linking one’s level of adult development to one’s effectiveness as a leader. One of the hallmarks of more highly developed human beings (and bosses too, of course, they being humans and all) is their degree of in-the-moment self-awareness.
Let’s look at just three levels of awareness:
- Some managers are not at all aware of their own behavior or its impact. For example, a manager who is curt and cool with her staff when they don’t get right down to the business at-hand. She shuts down even the briefest bit of rapport, such as asking “how has your day been going?” (and waiting for the answer). Not only that, she has no idea how this behavior distances her from her staff.
- The manager comes to realize that she does this. She wants to change what, she realizes, is a deeply ingrained behavioral pattern that is not serving her well as a leader. So she adopts a new habit–doing a bit of a reflection after she has a meeting or shorter interaction with a staff member. She runs back over in her mind how she started the meeting and what the employee’s reaction was. She draws some conclusions as to how well she did applying her more “connecting” approach and vows to do better next time.
- The manager has developed her awareness to where it occurs in the present, not after-the-fact. Now, as her employees enter her office, she is conscious–in real time–of what she is saying to establish a personal connection and how they are responding to her approach. If she doesn’t feel that enough rapport has been created, she extends the casual conversation a bit longer until it does feel right.
My self-awareness example was around the human acknowledgement and connecting we, as a species, seem programmed to need before we interact. In fact, you can apply these three simple levels to any behavior you, as a manager, engage in.
The most effective leaders have mastered this competency. They know what they are doing, saying, thinking, feeling and responding as it is happening. They are exhibiting Emotional Intelligence.
